Dear Hot Mama,
I just found out that the guy I've been dating has been romancing one of my best friends behind my back. I'm confused and hurt. I haven't confronted either of them yet, but I have proof. I'm hurt and angry and I feel betrayed. What's the best way for me to handle this?
Heartbroken in Hoboken
Dear Heartbroken,
The only thing worse than a cheater is a cheater with your friend. It doubles the pain, doubles the fun...I mean hurt. You have two people that have hurt you here. So, logically, what do we do when people hurt us? Very good! We get even! First you need to take care of that pesky friend. She still might be salvageable. Round up all your other friends and go out on a 'picnic'. Make sure the spot has a really deep well that you can easily uncover before getting there. In the middle of your 'picnic', call your cheating friend over to sit and have a little chat with you by the well. Then push her lieing butt right in. Don't let her out until she cries and gives you an apology you believe. If you don't believe it, well nobody has to know she's there. As for the boyfriend, well let's be honest...he's a man. What did you expect? That's what they do. They cheat. Now I'm not going to tell you to use the usual methods of revenge for him. Losing sixty pounds will only make you feel better. He's not really going to care. He's already got backups lined up for you! Sleeping with his best friend and showing him the video won't matter. That'll only increase his erection. I'm sure you've heard of the famous 'wood chipper' plan, but I've got a great variation on it. It's called 'tie his butt to a tree and whack his tallywhacker with a weedeater until it bleeds'. I know, this sounds very technical, but I assure you, it can be done. Not only can it be done, but as he screams bloody murder (quite literally), you'll find yourself smiling and wondering what you ever saw in the wuss to begin with.
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